so, i just started working!

and it's challenging, trying to find your place and balance in the adult world. especially when you're supposed to act like one yourself but aren't quite perceived as mature enough. i'm so appreciative of the fact that people still "give chance", even if it feels that bit condescending (oh well i really my mother's daughter, too much pride; except in my case not as warranted)

also, i never realised just how i've been living in a bubble where things are presented so perfectly till i plain didn't realise how things could be any less good. i've never gotten the chance to harden up my spirit and basically i'm too soft and unable to withstand prolonged pressure. funny how i used to think otherwise. how am i going to last?!! people have been making things easy for me so far, but soon i'll have to truly stand on my own two feet and i know the first few steps will be wobbly--just hope the uncertain state doesn't last long 'cause i need stability and the capability to handle my life confidently.

in fact, speaking of that, it's all too easy to be deluded about your personality and characteristics, when you're not required to display them. this makes me very cautious when interviewing candidates, cause i now know that when you haven't done something before it always seems like no big deal and you think you'll tackle it with no sweat, and many of these young people sitting in front of me in the interview room, too callously promise to have certain characteristics, yet i'll never be able to ascertain these claims. i've learnt firsthand that only when you're put under trying circumstances do you start to reevaluate just how tenacious you really are. even though many of my previous teachers have described me as persistent and enduring, i really don't know how much of this is just a show, both for the world and for myself.

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i guess i'm also quite at a loss as to how to deal with our differences, in terms of personality, background and upbringing (the latter two really have a strong bearing on the former, no?). it'd be ignorant of me to think that differences don't matter, especially since i've seen how such things, if not managed effectively from the onset, can wear down the soul when much time has elapsed. to begin with, i'm not a terribly tolerant person, just average-ish. ohwell. don't feel like typing out too much of my thoughts on this particular issue, as much as i've reflected a fair bit on it; just doesn't feel natural when put into precise words on a screen.