And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This aint a love song this is goodbye

***

haha whyyyyyyyowhyyyyy stupid song had to come on radio and now it's stuck in my head! i want a noisier song for mental replay :/

aside, these days because of various things i see happening, i find myself often wondering what exactly is this feeling called love and as a result i am getting increasingly scared that i wont ever learn to fall in love. i mean!!! i want to get married!!! not that there's anything wrong with staying single and i'm not being conformist here but i personally know(? or feel. idk) that i want to get married someday (is it weird to put it so plainly?) and also partly out of my narcissism i want to have kids (not 'cause i have that awesome a set of genes but more of me strongly believing i'll make a great mother HAHAHAH XD)
so... how can you ever know?
maybe my whole approach is wrong, probably you arent supposed to forcefit love into equations and figures, but i somehow am very uneasy with leaving it to chance. cuz if you do, what if it just slips by? I DONT WANT TO END UP OLD AND ALONE MERELY CUZ I DIDNT FIGUREOUT THE ESSENTIALS IN MY YOUNG ADULTHOODDDDDDD :o
alright. and now you're laughing at me. but pause, and please go think about it.